Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sunday Afternoons

I get so bored on the weekends. The week is full of things to do. You can go shopping, there are good shows on, summer activities with your friends, and pretty much everything else. The weekend is a lonely time. There's nothing to do, everybody usually has plans, and I sit in my room and be bored out of my mind. The problem is that when I get bored, I tend to get a little antsy. I'm not a genius, but I'm pretty creative and smart. Those traits along with boredom can equal a problematic combination. Of course it can also be the source of much amusement. It is during boredom that I come up with things like downhill-bed-luge-skijump-fencing and the Flying Cheesecake Fortress of Doom. I would try to gain access to my schools chem lab so I could experiment,but they lock up all the fun stuff. Liquid nitrogen ground-surfing. YES! Another brilliant, yet potentially dangerous, idea from the boredom of me. I should patent these.Of course, then someone will try it, get injured, and sue me. Maybe patenting these is not a good idea. Of course, people say that about the Flying Cheesecake Fortress of Doom. But they'll see, they'll all see, MUAHAHAHAHAHA! whew. ah sundays. A deliciously bland smoothie of  boredom and crazy. Sunday is the mother of all emotional ups and downs.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My Lair

In order to fulfill my desire for world domination I realized that I need a suitable headquarters. A head quarters that is essentially me, while still refraining from the classic villain mistakes named in the Evil Overlord List. After some thought, I chanced upon the perfect combination of menace and hope. I will have a FLYING CHEESECAKE FORTRESS OF DOOM! It's a combination fortress and confectionery. That flies, and is capable OF DOOM! Those who submit to my benevolent rule will get cheesecake, cookies, cake, chocolate, etc. Those who resist will get the OF DOOM! It's your classic carrot/stick thing. It will have a castle with beautiful gardens and a balcony so I can laugh maniacally when applying OF DOOM! It will also have a top-notch hospital for my henchpeople (It's the21stcentury after all) and their families (why can't world domination be a family business). I will have a school so that my support staff can make sure their children receive a quality education. Realizing that I may be attacked by those reluctant to give up power, their will be emergency escape chutes located every 50 ft. It'll be a family friendly and family fun flying fortress of menace. Also, their will be lots of  gyms and required fitness times (the fat henchmen always die first). It will also possess an obscene amount of explosive, laser, and mass based weaponry. When someone thinks about attacking, I want to be able to point everything I have at them and have them go "Eep". All my fighter squadrons will be drones. 1 fighter per pilot, but the pilots will remain safely inside the walls of my Fortress. That way, I don't waste pilots and I don't have to tell families that daddy is gone (or mommy, 21st century). My goal here is to make the surrender of the world an appealing choice. On the one hand, there is cheesecake. On the other is OF DOOM! However, certain people *cough*McKenna*cough* will be heavily watched regardless and will not be allowed to be anywhere near me without heavy security. Some people are just crazy dangerous.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Downhill-bed-luge-skijump-fencing tournament.

Yes. It IS as awesome as it sounds. First, let me state that this exercise is, as of yet, purely theoretical.
First, two queen size beds are placed on wheels. They start off next to each other. Two people get on each bed, one in front (the driver) and one in the back (the swordsman). The driver just turns the wheels to keep the bed within it's track (path down the hill). On the call of "CRRRRAAAAAZZZZYYYY!" both beds are released and speed down a steep hill (Preferably in San Fransisco). While they are speeding down the hill, the swordsmen attempt to get in as many hits upon the other swordsman as possible. They may not leave their bed. After the beds hit the ski jump and are airborne, both driver and swordsman do tricks to earn points before hitting the water. Bonus points for landing on their own mattress. The more hits and the more outrageous the trick, the better the score. Physically, it's dangerous. Mentally, it's crazy. Personally, I can't wait!